First Post Of The New Year

 Welcome back cool kids that may actually read this at some point...

Let’s be honest, no one actually reads this, and its probably an inner dialogue that I have with myself so I dont lose my absolute shit on people. 

MENTAL ILLNESS FUCKING SUCKS. I can’t tell you how draining it is, but at the same time its not. It’s just this numbing feeling absorbing you into nothingness. Like nothing fucking matters. Whic is hard because being 32 weeks pregnant, I actually have to give a shit about some things. It’s deciding what is worth giving a shit about that is hard. Which let me tell you, its basically making sure I’m eating and drinking water. That’s all this baby needs from me at this point in time. Nutrition and some good ole H20. 

I just dont give a shit right now. Depression and anxiety is probably the most lonely thing in the world. You dont want to be around people but you want people to notice something is wrong... You just want someone, ANYONE to notice at some point that you are drowning and your not okay.... Obviously no one does. The whole world is so wrapped up in their own shit, god forbid they notice someone besides themself. That’s always our biggest downfall. How selfish we have become as a whole. 

I try to figure out how to get myself out of this funk. No one likes feeling like this. I’ve never met someone who says “Being depressed is the best feeling ever”.. Absolutely no one... No one likes this numb feeling, this IDGAF feeling.. This feeling that consumes you. Imagine watching a TV show all day and being so out of it that you have zero idea what’s actually going on. Imagine all you want to do is sleep, just forget about the world. Forget about all of the bullshit... But the anxiety is screaming at you to WAKE THE FUCK UP....It’s a never ending cycle... 

That’s all I’ve got you, whoever is reading this.. I have no helpful advice today.. Sometimes the world sucks.. Maybe tomorrow will be better.